Monday, December 19, 2011
Blue Christmas
I haven't posted in awhile because, frankly, I don't really know what to write about. Everything I have to say feels super depressing but I guess that's life. Not everything is perfect and happy and that's ok. This Christmas season has been HARD especially this past week and it's just getting harder for me. I'm kinda struggling. Really struggling. I miss my Johnny now more than ever. It's excruiatingly painful to see cousins play together and wear matching pajamas and exchange presents. It breaks my heart that I can't buy him presents or take him to see Santa or see his face light up when he opens presents or sees Christmas lights. He would have almost been a year old. We've been having fun with Eva but it makes me sad that he can't be here with her. I almost dread going to family parties because I know I will be bombarded by things that I never got to do with Johnny. I KNOW that I will get to do all of those things with him someday and I KNOW that he is always will us but it doesn't make losing him easier. Just pray I can get through the rest of this Christmas season and through January (his birthday month). I would really appreciate it.
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3 comments:
You poor thing *hugs* I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. Just keep your faith in God and know that it will make you stronger in the end!
I'm so sorry. It's tough when nothing can make the pain go away. It's so hard to see how the future will be, because in the moment your heart is so heavy. The up's & down's start making me feel a little crazy...especially during holidays. Don't you wish you could run away to Hawaii forever and just lay in the sun all day...I do! I love you...I hope you get through this tough time...especially with his birthday coming up. xoxo.
I've been thinking about and praying for you this Christmas. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but I am still here for you any time you need me.
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