Letter to My Son

I have had a few people ask if they could get a copy of the letter I read at Johnny's funeral. So, I thought I would put it on the blog so people could read it. Hope you enjoy this letter. I wrote it shortly after Johnny passed away for his baby book.

Dear Johnny,

Wow, what a ride you have taken us on this past year. It hasn’t been easy but I’m not sure I would change a thing. We knew from the beginning that you were a very special and different little boy. Your completely normal amniocentesis, the measly 12 lbs. I gained during your pregnancy and your full-term 2 lbs. 9 oz. birth weight showed that you didn’t like to follow any rules. You were determined to write your own story.  

The day you were born you beat all the odds. The doctors didn’t think you would live but not only did you survive, you thrived. You were soon known as the “rock star” of the NICU. Over time, your little body started struggling and you earned the nickname “typhoid Mary.” It seemed as if every week we found out about some new issue that you had to deal with. Daddy and I used say, “At least we don’t have to work with such-and-such specialty” but we eventually stopped saying that because every time we did, we ended up working with that specialty.

Johnny, you are the strongest and bravest person I know. Even through all your troubles, you always had a smile and you seemed to enjoy the life you were given. I loved those days I spent with you singing, playing and you sleeping in my arms while I read. You had such personality. You loved your sister Eva, fuzzy blankets, stuffed bird toys, binkies, music, grass, your baby swing, the sound of running water, having people play with your hair, bouncing on Daddy’s knee, sleeping with your tiny hand on my chest and being held all the time. You disliked baths, needles, messy diapers, arm & hand stretches, tummy time, wind, rain, car seats and anytime we tried to read “touch & feel” books with you.

You captured the heart of everyone around you. Each day brought about 4 visitors to your bedside just to check up on you and see your glasses and your infectious smile. You even had someone ask me if they could put a picture of you on their Facebook profile. Right after you passed away, a nurse came in and exclaimed, “Aw man! My wife and I were planning to kidnap him and take him to New York to start our family!” J You had 5 primary nurses that took care of us through most of your life: Pat, Susan, Angie, Chris and Ann. You loved them dearly and they loved you. You always did better when they cared for you. You were known to hold grudges against Susan when she took care of you during painful or uncomfortable procedures. She used to say, “Quick! Take his glasses off so he doesn’t know I’m here!”

Johnny, you are infamous. You have been in nearly every unit of Primary Children’s Medical Center. You have been seen by 11 different specialists. You have baffled every geneticist that has seen you. The IV team groans every time your name is mentioned. I once heard a rumor that the glasses you wore were the smallest pair the Moran Eye Center has ever made.

Your life was full of miracles. In John 9:1-3 it says “And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from birth. And his disciples asked him saying, who did sin, this man or his parents that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” Johnny, the works of God have been made manifest in you. You have influenced many. You have done more good in your short 7 months of life than many do in a lifetime.

My patriarchal blessing says that I will have the choicest of our Heavenly Father’s spirits to adorn my home and that my children will bring about much righteousness upon the Earth. You have made that prophecy come true. I feel honored that you have chosen me to be your Mother.

The scripture that will forever remind me of you is Mosiah 3:19 which invites us to “[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him even as a child doth submit to his father.”

Even though you never said a word, you have taught me many lessons about life and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You have shown me the love and compassion of others. You have shown me that there is good in everyone. You have taught me how to face earthly trials with faith, joy and long-suffering. You have taught me what it means to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. You have shown me the deep love our Heavenly Parents have for their children. You have taught me how to submit my will to the Lord. You have taught me of the power of Christ’s Atonement and how to place my burdens on the Lord so that I cannot feel them upon my back. You have taught me the power of prayer and of Priesthood blessings. And most important, you have taught me about the eternal nature of the family. The blessings of the temple are real. They are not just a nice thought, they are real. This is the purpose of our earthly life, to be sealed for time and all eternity so that we can always be a family, no matter what happens on Earth. Johnny, we are going to be together forever. Nothing can take that away from us. As your sister Eva so sweetly said, “My family is going to be together forever and I don’t have to cry about it.”

I am sad that you are no longer here with us but it makes me happy that you are free from the pains, frustrations and evils of this world. I find it fitting that a butterfly was placed on your door shortly after you passed away. You were once a tiny caterpillar, trapped in the cocoon of an imperfect body but now you are a beautiful butterfly, free from all pain and suffering.

I miss you so very much. I hold onto the hope of raising you during the Millennium. I look forward to the day when I can be with you again. I cannot wait until you can draw on my walls, track mud through my house and collect rocks and bugs like little boys often do. I can’t wait to see your sweet smile again and hear your laugh. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mother. I love you forever.

Love, Your Mommy